We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love by Robert A. JohnsonMy rating: 4 of 5 stars
Context & Why I read this book
2021 was the year I moved together with my girlfriend and I didn't want to leave anything to chance. Love is a topic everyone is familiar with, but few ever truly understand. On this topic, I have already read The Psychology of Romantic Love, but I felt that there was more to it; more to discover; more to get clarity about.
What is the book about as a whole?
Johnson takes the myth of Tristan and Iseult (the apparently oldest account of "romantic love" there is) as a device for explaining and demonstrating the distinction between true love and romantic love (story-book" love). For that, he introduces and uses the Jungian concept of "Anima", a part of the psyche that used to be called "soul".
The book's structure
The book is divided into 4 main parts and a conclusion. Each part leads with an excerpt of the myth and then contains 3-5 chapters elaborating on it.
One lesson
There is a beautiful passage in chapter 14 that contains one of the key messages from the book: One of the great paradoxes in romantic love is that it never produces a human relationship as long as it stays romantic. It produces drama, daring adventures, wondrous, intense love scenes, jealousies, and betrayals; but people never seem to settle into relations with each other as flesh-and-blood human beings until they are out of the romantic love stage until they love each other instead of being "in love". This single insight alone can save you from wasting countless years or even your whole life.
Reading Recommendation / Who should read this?
I highly enjoyed reading this beautifully written book (reading it on the beach during my last summer vacation made it even more enjoyable). I would generally recommend it to anyone who at some point wants to be in and maintain a monogamic relationship for life. That probably includes the majority of humanity. 8 out of 10 (⭑⭑⭑⭑) for me. The only reason I did not rate it a 9 is that due to the myth chosen by the author, the book is more approachable for men than for women (since the latter have to do some transfer and mapping).
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